It’s wild to reflect back along this path, and to see where I’ve come from with regards to my health, my lifestyle, and my day to day living. My passions have evolved. My behaviors have matured. Yet despite the deep yearning I have to share great knowledge and information with other women, there’s a part of me that withholds. That withholding arises due to me dropping into fear and judgment of myself.
Strangely enough, this fear and judgment arises due to sense of responsibility. Responsibility that only I have put on myself, that only I have taken on – that I want to take on. A responsibility to ensure that I distribute information not only from my own experiences, but essentially from the things that I have learned from my teachers, my mentors, my peers. I am deeply passionate about sharing the wisdom of the ancient systems of Yoga and Ayurveda much further, much deeper than the superficial presence that these systems appear to have, particularly in the Western world.
The more that I immerse myself in the systems of incredible wisdom, the more I realise how essential, applicable, and integral it is that I use this platform as a means to sharing the information far and wide, so that more and more people can access and receive it, can apply and benefit from it. Yet the more that I learn and experience the vast depths of these teachings, as with most things, the more I realise I don’t even know. I very quickly question my authority to speak on such subjects for fear that I will not eloquently convey the immense depth, the truth, and the essence of that which I am communicating.
I envision myself to be not an authority but purely a channel; a channel or perhaps a keeper. A channel that receives information and becomes a keeper, in the sense that I retain these teachings, these significant learnings, and their essence, importance,and significance. Then, I pass them along, onto people of my generation, and younger, as though I am simply a bridge or a vessel for the wisdom to be sent and received.
MY GREATEST FEAR
The greatest fear that I have is fear of the judgment of others. However, it’s not my community, my colleagues, my peers that I am concerned about. My greatest fear is that I will be a disappointment – I will be a let down to my teachers, to those who have walked this path long before I even stepped onto it. It’s of utter importance to me to represent them, the people I greatly admire, in a way that retains the true essence, the true beauty, and healing that can be received.
My fear is that I will let my teachers down. My fear is that I will let my teachers’ teachers down. My fear is that the people who inspire me will not accept me because I worry that I will fail. This fear of failure is the catalyst for me to withdraw and withhold. I question whether or not I have the eloquence, the experience, to speak on such things; such things like Yoga. Not Yoga as we see it magazines, or on TV, or in celebrity profiles, but the very elaborate, wise, multi-faceted, and confrontational experiential yoga with all its layers, depths, and subtleties.
Of course the more I experience Yoga, the more it connects me with nature. This nature connection, in short, led to a huge appreciation for the system of Ayurveda. Which is traditionally a huge complement to Yoga. They are really one together; one system together. As I have joyfully immersed myself in the study of Ayurveda with great intrigue, I’ve been overwhelmed by how much I don’t even know. How much I don’t even understand. The more that I learn, the more that I grasp, the more that I apply, the more I become awake to the fact that I don’t know anything much at all.
From the depth of my heart, I hope that I can courageously lead. That I can courageously share with grace, intelligence, eloquence, and responsibility. With that, I so deeply appreciate your interest, your curiosity, and your willingness to explore this path with me. I am not here to preach. I am here to share, to the best of my ability, what I understand to be true to me. I intend to do this through the lessons I have learned and experiences I have had the pleasure, privilege, and honour of receiving.
I hope that you continue to join me along this exploration of the great depths of these wise spiritual sciences…